Project: Unstable balance

01 UNSTABLE BALANCE

I started writing songs to clear my mind,

To put my scattered thoughts back into line,
To give my feelings back a living voice,
And let my deepest wishes make some noise.
Like a dirty tablecloth, you give it a shake,
The crumbs fall down and scatter on the floor;
I trade the straight road for the crooked way,
And leave my blue silk necktie in the drawer.

Now I carry on in this unstable balance,

And I can't explain how I stay up.
But one burst of laughter or a single moan
Would be the wave that comes and knocks me down.

I've always caught each train that came my way,
Though never once went near a station door;
Could be my skill, could be my genes at play,
Or just an idiot's luck, and nothing more.
Just like a siren wailing through the night,
You never know exactly where it's from;
So came the blade behind me, out of sight,
From those I'd trusted blindly all along.

Now I carry on in this unstable balance,
And I can't explain how I stay up.
But one burst of laughter or a single moan
Would be the wave that comes and knocks me down.

I hit the jackpot in the lottery
With a ticket that I never even bought;
Now I just wait for cops to come to me
And tell me the whole damn draw was just a plot.
Like scopa at a friend's: you have a fight,
Then share a drink and somehow it's all right;
I always rue the foolish things I say,
But those who love me forgive me anyway.

Now I carry on in this unstable balance,
And I can't explain how I stay up.
But one burst of laughter or a single moan
Would be the wave that comes and knocks me down.

I carried on with writing songs somehow,
So I'd remember who I used to be;
To keep illusions growing even now,
And balance black with white inside of me.
Like your own pillow held between your hands,
You squeeze it till it fills itself with air;
Each morning I squeeze life as best I can,
So it keeps giving what it still can spare.

Now I carry on in this unstable balance,
And I can't explain how I stay up.
But one burst of laughter or a single moan
Would be the wave that comes and knocks me down.

There comes a time in life when you stop asking yourself, “How did I ever get this far?” and start wondering, “How the hell am I still standing?”

You look back and realise you've made it this far without ever really knowing how. Some trains you caught on the run; others seemed to have stopped especially to wait for you.

You've met people you thought were friends who turned out to be strangers, and people who seemed merely to be passing through but stayed. You've made more mistakes than you're willing to admit and, despite everything, someone has gone on loving you.

And then you realise that your life looks less like a long, straight road than a tightrope stretched across the void. And there you still are, swaying in unstable balance, but you haven't fallen yet. Perhaps because every now and then life decides to grant its tightrope walkers a truce.

Unstable Balance, the song that gives the collection its title and traces the path running through it, is the story of that crossing. Of those who keep walking without certainty, carrying their illusions, mistakes, gratitude and desires with them. Of those who, every morning, squeeze and knead their life as they would a pillow, trying to give it back its shape, a little air, hoping it still has something left to offer.

And who, against all odds, remain standing.